I’ve had this post on my mind a lot lately, and I have finally decided to sit down and type it out.
Lately, I’ve been talking to a lot of women about situations in which they felt it necessary to be nice and passive even when they were uncomfortable. Not just when they were being hit on or dudes or other females were being inappropriate, but in situations where people were trying to sell you things or ideas. I am the WORST at telling solicitors to get TF off my porch or dudes hitting on me to go away because (especially as a southern belle) you’re taught to be nice. You’re taught to be submissive and cordial. But honestly, I’m really freaking sick of being nice to someone just because society says I “should” be. I’m sick of being uncomfortable to make someone else, that has no importance to me, feel comfortable.
So I’ve decided to change that. From now on, I’m going to be straight forward and stop hoping people “get the hint.” I’m going to make it very clear that I’m not interested or that I’m uncomfortable. And if those don’t work, I’m going to be a bitch, because I don’t have time to waste on nonsense. And I encourage you to do the same.
When a guy or girl tries the MOST obnoxious line ever, “Your (husband, BF, wife, GF, significant other) doesn’t allow you to have friends?” My answer will be, “I have enough fucking friends, and I’m not interested in anyone that can’t take NO for an answer.”
When a guy or girl is pressuring you into doing something you aren’t interested in, regardless of how much money they spent on you or how “nice” they were to you, or even if earlier you told them you WERE interested in something more, YOU DON’T OWE THEM ANYTHING. Stop beating around the bush because you don’t want to seem rude. Stop hoping they get the hint. Just recently I read an article about the Aziz Ansari accusations, and it really hit home for me. This girl’s body language and response to the situation would have rang a bell for almost anyone that she was uncomfortable. However, in the situation, her cues were not observed, and she ended up involved in something she didn’t want to be. I am in no way victim blaming. I will always stand behind, next to, or in front of anyone that is the victim of sexual assault. BUT, if a guy or girl can’t take the words I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT, then they aren’t worth the work of sparing them an awkward moment. BE A BITCH! Tell them to get TF off you.
If a salesperson is at your door and won’t take “No” for an answer, tell them that if they don’t get off your porch, you’re calling the police. Seriously. Sadly, the only thing that used to get people off the porch for me was, “My husband won’t allow me to make those decisions.” How effed up is that?! But now, I’m so sick of having to make up BS to get them to leave. I’m sick of having Kyle call and cancel things that I couldn’t say no to. So from now on, if a polite “I’m not interested” doesn’t work, I’m going to make it REEEAALLLL uncomfortable for all of us. Because I’m really over it.
If you are at work and your coworker has gotten a little too free with his or her jokes or innuendos, don’t grimace and force a smile to avoid confrontation. Your workplace should not be a place of discomfort. Say something! As someone who has been in situations with coworkers that made me uncomfortable, I can honestly say, I wish I would have spoken up. But I didn’t for fear of ridicule or being called a liar. But chances are, you are not the first person to feel uncomfortable by your coworkers actions. Keep note of the situations and confront your coworker professionally. If that doesn’t work, go higher up. People will most likely call you a “bitch” for it, but they are not worth compensating your safety or sense of security.
I am well aware that standing up for yourself is hard because you don’t want to be “that person.” I know that the assholes are quick to throw it back in your face with, “oh, you just think you’re so attractive that I was hitting on you?” or, “wow, you’re just too good to have a conversation with someone?” Your answer? “You are damn right!” Because 99 out of 100 times, this guy or girl is a waste of space and doesn’t deserve your time, much less does his or her opinion matter.
There have been so many situations in the news lately where the accused claimed it was simply a case of “miscommunication.” Let’s stop leaving that on the table. Let’s stop allowing these predators to weave doubt into the equations.
And finally, let’s stand together. If you see someone in a situation where you can very clearly see he or she is uncomfortable, say something. Sometimes it is hard to speak your mind, and you need support. If you don’t want to cause a ruckus, see if you can snag her or him when they are alone. Maybe creepy person has head to the bathroom or the bar to grab another drink. A simple, “you ok?” or “you need a way out?” is greatly appreciated.
There is strength in numbers.
Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation and didn’t know how to get out? How did you resolve it?